A Kitten!

I am typing this with a new bundle of love on my lap. Introducing our new kitten—Max Von Holstein. Albert and I went to a couple different shelters looking to adopt a new friend for The Rat. We were initially choosing by appearance, and I was looking for a tabby, which we haven’t had before. Well, when we met Max, who is a few months older than what we were looking for and NOT a tabby, he made it clear we were to take him home. He jumped into both of our arms and immediately started purring. When we left the room and watched through the glass, he was the only kitten loudly meowing at the door for us to come back and get him. We did.

Of course, two days later he has a kennel cold and we already had to bring him to the vet. He’s on antibiotics and is doing fine, sleeping on my lap. Max is adorable and The Rat is not happy that a new cat is in the house. We’re trying to slowly work them into being friends but the fatty Ratty is currently afraid of the seven pound, sneezing ball of fur.

Just when you didn’t think this blog entry could get any gayer than Albert and I adopting a kitten, let me share a story. I recently purchased an album on Amazon.com, not knowing that Albert had converted us to their cloud system. Because of this, I could not download the album that I had just purchased to our computer. Apparently only one of us can be considered the owner of the computer, which is bullshit.

I called Amazon and went off on the customer service lady. “What do you mean, we can’t share the same computer? We’re domestic partners!”

“Sir, there can only be one person allocated to a machine, not two.”

“So, if we were married we couldn’t share the same computer?” I inquired, assuming this was the case.

“No Sir, only one person per machine is the new policy.”

“Oh, can you refund my last album purchase then, if I can’t access it?”

“Yes, of course, what is the album?”

“Um, Barbra Streisand’s Release Me.”

“Yes, we will refund your money and remove Barbra Streisand from your cloud.” As she was responding, I was thinking that might win the award for the gayest conversation of her day.

Completely unrelated, thank you to Russ and Sven for throwing an excellent Octoberfest party on Saturday afternoon. We also went to a haunted mansion on Saturday night in West Adams, which was very fun. It was called Delusion: The Blood Rite, and Neil Patrick Harris was one of the producers. It was a theatrical show with creepy actors taking you on a dilapidated house tour with cinematic special effects.

Also completely unrelated, I worked out at Gold’s Gym yesterday next to Will Ferrell. He was sporting a mustache, so I have a feeling Anchorman Ron Burgundy is coming back to the screen sometime soon.

A Midwest Wedding

Albert and I flew to Cincinnati at the beginning of the month for my cousin Kenzie’s wedding.  She married her husband Jamison at the beautiful St Mary’s Cathedral Basilica in Covington, Kentucky. I had never been to the basilica before, and it’s one of the most magnificent cathedrals that I’ve ever seen in the states. For my Cincinnati readers, Catholic or not, it’s worth a visit for the architecture alone. As this non-religious person can attest, you won’t catch fire or get nailed to a cross just for stopping by. My cousin Sandy’s kids saw the stone gargoyles atop the building and all of the bloody Jesus statues and thought it was some sort of Halloween house of horrors. I kept my mouth shut laughing and thought, “Just wait till they learn about The Inquisition!”

The wedding was beautiful and the reception was a blast. Kenzie and her mom Lori are both amazing graphic designers, so the banquet hall was art directed to perfection. They made their own table floral centerpieces out of found branches, tissue paper, old books, and vintage jewelry, so they were totally unique. We danced all night and it was a great party to kick off what is sure to be a great marriage.

Kenzie asked me to sing “The Prayer” at her wedding ceremony. To hear a sample of the song, click the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61d0RRXhNYM

Rest and Silence!

I got the ashes for my recently deceased cat Rufus and have been deciding what to do with them. My friend John directed me to a website called Bubbling Well—Pet Memorial Park for ideas, but ultimately it just made me laugh. Why would I want a resin cat that looks nothing like my actual cat? The way they have written “Faithful Feline” in quotes suggests that it’s all a lie. Clearly, this Sandy was a terror. Also, note that it is only available in an attractive cream color, not the unattractive color of your dead pet.

So, I’m deciding what NOT to do with my dead Rufus when a older lady comes knocking on my door. She is doing campaign work for Richard Bloom, who is running for the Assembly in my district. The woman tells me that Bloom has local ties to the community and that his family lives in the neighborhood. She also tells me about the weaknesses of his opponent. She tells me about Bloom’s work in Santa Monica, but she keeps coming back to his ties to the neighborhood. The more I enquirer about his accomplishments, the more she tells me that he’s local. Finally, after about five minutes of skirting the issue, the woman looks at me and says, “He’s from Hollywood. He’s from the nighborhood. You know, Jewish!”

For my Broadway fans, I ran into Laura Benanti at Hugo’s last weekend. I was waiting to be seated, when the therapist of tv’s Go On placed a take-out order at the register. She was wearing the typical celebrity baseball cap disguise and was buried in her iphone. I waited until they called my table before I gushed compliments all over her. I’ve learned that if you compliment a star on a television show or a movie, you come off as a typical fan. BUT if you compliment them on their stage work, her Tony winning performance as Gypsy Rose Lee for example, they light up like a marquee sign. I was lucky enough to see her in both Gypsy and Into the Woods and she is fantastic on stage. Now I can add that she is also sweet in person.

I have been following the show Silence! The Musical, the unauthorized parody of The Silence of the Lambs, since I listened to tracks on the internet several years ago. It went from a concept piece to a still-running Off Broadway musical, which has now spawned a Los Angeles production. I had high expectations for the potential laughs in this show and they were all exceeded. The musical is campy and hysterical. It’s not at all scary, but I’m warning you—It’s very, very dirty. Don’t bring your mothers, except for my friend Gabi who can bring his mom Brenda, because she has a potty mouth too. Run to the Hayworth Theater and see Silence while you can! (For cheaper seats try http://www.goldstar.com.)

Visions of Plum Street
















I am pleased to announce that my Christmas book, Visions of Plum Street, is available as a digital download for the first time ever. It can be purchased at Amazon.com for only $4.99 and downloaded to your Kindle, Kindle Fire, or ipad just in time for the holidays. Of course, it is still available as a traditional book for $14.99, with FREE shipping for purchases over $25…so buy two!

I thank you for your support, and I hope you enjoy it.