Dead Again

JackAlbertFirst of all, if you’ve never seen the 1991 movie Dead Again, it’s a great rental. That’s not with this post is about, but the title is appropriate for my week. I should begin by saying that Albert and I got Apple TV for Christmas, and recently hooked it up. The best thing about it, besides the actual television streaming, is that it can play a slideshow of your photos from your computer. So, whenever the tv goes idle, pictures from your past start floating across the screen. It’s lovely.

I have already told you that somebody from the Hollywood Forever cemetery recently came by to try and sell me a space in their dirt. This is not a door-to-door salesman anyone wants coming by, really ever. I could be at death’s door, hemorrhaging blood, and would still tell the cemetery salesman, “I’m not ready!” So, it was somewhat unsettling that I got at least three reminders of my very old age this week. It began simply, with yet another invitation to join AARP. Um, I am 45.

The next day, I got a postcard from The Neptune Society. These people have skipped my retirement and are ready to cremate me. They have been “caring for families since 1973.” And by caring, I mean burning. For the record, I could care less what happens to my body when I pass, because I won’t be around to watch. I’ll already be off haunting people, which sounds like an eternal surprise party.

The next day I had another salesman come to my door, from a different cemetery, this time in North Hollywood. I can’t spend eternity in the Valley. Also, the salesman presented me with a brochure in Spanish, and I’m not sure if I have time to learn another language before I pass.

At this point, I am pretty sure that I’m dying. The salesman from Dignity Memorial in NoHo is packing up his briefcase of doom and leaving the house, and I am wondering what the hell is going on. Am I being punked by God, or is my time here coming to an end? I turn around toward my television, and my whole life is passing before my eyes, one beautiful friend and family member after another. Yes, I guess I’m dead, and heaven is a bungalow in Hollywood. Boo.


Pumping Up Summer


Summer is in full swing, which means there is a ton to do in Los Angeles. The Hollywood Forever cemetery movie screenings produced by Cinespia are selling out every weekend. We went to Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and had a blast. The movie is funnier than I remembered, with a witty Jane Russell and an over-the-top Marilyn Monroe performance as a woman obsessed with diamonds. The camera nearly ignores the very funny Russell, in favor of the overly sexualized Monroe, in an otherwise strangely gay musical. There is a pool scene that looks like the Village People’s YMCA.

If movies aren’t your scene, how about music? The Hollywood Bowl has something every night of the week, and we caught the Robyn and Röyksopp show with a big group of friends. My new summer music favorite however is Sia, whose new album just dropped and it’s terrific.

It’s also been a summer of guests and pool parties. Our friends Trisha, Kevin, and their daughter Mason stayed with us, and Krista, Roger, and their son Charlie came for a visit from Cincinnati. I love when some of my favorite people visit and different worlds collide in new places. We have also been swimming a lot this summer so thanks to Gabi, Trevor and Joey, Ken and Carey, Tom, and John for the much appreciated pool time.

If theater is your thing, the annual Hollywood Fringe festival just happened. We caught a very funny play called No Homo, written by Brandon Baruch, who happens to be the son of a friend of ours. We went to support a friend and ended up seeing the winner of the Best World Premiere production, among other awards. Well done, friend’s talented son and the cast! This weekend we’re headed Jackie Beat’s new show on Saturday night at the Renberg Theater, so if you’re looking for some edgy humor, she’s got the beat.

Last Monday we went to the LA premier of Such Good People written by our friend David Michael Barrett! Randy Harrison and the very funny Michael Urie star in this screwball comedy about a money grab in Silver Lake. The movie also includes standout performances by Ana Ortiz, Alec Mapa, and Drew Droege. We went to the cast party afterwards with the likes of Urie and a blue-blonde Lance Bass.

Two nights later I was out to dinner in West Hollywood at Pump, and Lance Bass was there again. I like your new hair, but stop following me Lance! We were brought to dinner by our friend Andy, who is a huge he fan of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I don’t watch the show, but I thoroughly enjoyed watching Andy’s expression as Lisa Vanderpump, her husband, kids, and other cast members took the table right next to ours. He was essentially watching live tv for the rest of the meal. The food at Pump is very good, not great, but the atmosphere is lovely. I have to give credit to Vanderpump for turning a cursed location and dingy parking lot into a stunning new destination, with beautiful old olive trees and every chandelier in the Restoration Hardware catalogue.

While I’m on food, I have another recommendation for you. Hoy-Ka Thai Noodles just opened up on Sunset Blvd in Hollywood around the corner from my house and it’s delicious. I love Thai food and there are many choices in the neighborhood, but these are some of the best noodle dishes I’ve ever had. Albert and I were sitting at a tall table when a woman came over and told us that we chose the “Hoy-Ka” table, which translates to “dangle your feet.” She and her husband are the owners and are super nice, and talked to us during much of our meal. They had the same restaurant on Western in a smaller location and always had a line out the door, so when they moved, their fans followed them. Everything is fresh and homemade, and they have the most delicious egg rolls I have ever tasted in my life. Give the place a try and sit Hoy-Ka!

A special thank you to all my friends who have posted pictures with my new book. I appreciate all your help with sharing my book with your friends, like Prudence did (above), and giving me much needed publicity.

Sprang Forward



The news has been all abuzz about Russia and Crimea and the Ukraine. I can’t believe the cold war is back, and so soon too, but at least we’re not talking about the Middle East or oil wars for a hot minute. Please, for the love of geography and a good joke, let there be an actual “Crimea River” somewhere on the map.

This is the second year in a row that we didn’t throw our annual Oscar party. We were flying home from Sydney during the show, so if you did not get an invitation, it was not because of anything you did. I think Ellen did a good job, even though her nerves were showing, and Idina Menzel got a hysterical story for her cabaret act. Speaking of movies, we saw Grand Budapest Hotel and thought it was good, not great. I’m a big Wes Anderson fan, and this was one of my least favorite films of his — gorgeous and quirky, but not particularly funny or moving. We also rented Rush, which is boring unless you understand the obsession with car racing, which I don’t. I do not care who can drive the fastest in circles to get nowhere.

Albert’s aunt Sherry and uncle Jerry came for a visit last weekend. We spent an afternoon at the Getty Villa, and it is not horrible to hang out in a beautiful Roman country house on the coast of Malibu. Admission is free and parking is $15 for as many people as you can squeeze in, so clown car it to the museum and go see some ancient art.

I went to a very fun brunch at my friend William’s in Mount Washington on Sunday, and a dinner party at Gabi’s house in Studio City on Tuesday night. Thanks for the invites and the delicious food, boys!

I was interrupted from writing this week by a cute guy coming door to door, asking for signatures regarding a project at The Palladium. He called me Sir several times, which I hate because it makes me feel very old. Then when I told him my email, he responded with, “Hotmail? That’s old school. My uncle has a Hotmail account.” Well isn’t that special. Please do not return to my home unless you are selling Girl Scout Cookies.

Today I was interrupted by a man coming to my door from the Hollywood Forever cemetery. He was taking a neighborhood survey, and I am a fan of the cemetery, so I was happy to talk. Then the conversation took a turn from survey to sales pitch and the man asked, “Has someone near to you recently departed, or would you like some more information about our services?” Oh my God, what are the odds that someone has recently died and I’m just sitting at home with the corpse waiting for somebody to come by and help? Did something happen that I’m unaware of, that should make me start looking around my house for dead bodies? It is one thing to get brochures from Orange County retirement homes in the mail at age 44 (which I do), and quite another to have the cemetery actually come knocking on my door! We did have a large earthquake on Monday morning, so I’m a bit worried that I didn’t make it.

This weeks celebrity sightings included Kathy Kinney from The Drew Carey Show, and Joel McHale, both at my gym, Josh Groban driving his car, and Beth Behrs from Two Broke Girls at Trader Joe’s. The picture (above) is from my walk to the gym this week when I passed a 50’s or 60’s film being shot.

Day of the Dead Mormon

So, our President is still running the country, so hopefully we won’t have to hear from non-inclusive Romney anymore.  When will people learn that the parties worth going to are the ones where everyone is invited, and there’s no velvet rope with VIPs? No matter whom you wanted to win, the important thing is that it is over!

Speaking of ridiculous Mormons, Albert and I finally got to see The Book of Mormon at The Pantages, and the show is as funny as you’ve heard. It is also so hysterically dirty that I’m very curious how the tour will play across our God-fearing country. In addition to it’s witty South Park sense of humor, the musical is also very sweet and smart. Unfortunately, there was an idiot sitting behind me laughing so crazy hard, and at odd places I might add, that I missed most of Act 1. Not only that, but everyone kept looking at me as if I was the one with the braying, maniacal laugh, as opposed to the annoyed guy who waited forever for a good seat, only to have the show nearly ruined by said man. Hello!

Also, Halloween happened, and what a trick of a treat that was. We danced at Halloweenie, a benefit on the set of True Blood, and partied at Don and Taylor’s bash in Silver Lake. The holiday wouldn’t be complete without a trip to the Hollywood Forever cemetery for their Day of the Dead celebration, which was beautiful.

Of course, Halloween is all about costumes, so I’ll let the drunken pictures speak for themselves. To see more pictures from Day of the Dead, click the link:

To see more pictures from the Halloween party, click the link: